Name: Alyssa
Relation to Sacrag: Bookie, Girlfriend (Robert’s), Enforcer, Blissfest Organizer, Stinky Cheese
Sponsor Status: Chocolate brownie for existing, hating on buffalo wing dip, laughing, digging dry humor, recording guesses for The Game, taking a leadership role in organizing the Blissfest camp, and smelling like rice pudding
Occupation: Chilling
Rob's favorite Quality: Her head lice sings quite lovely, sometimes.
Stu's Favorite Quality: She is a direct descendant of Robin Williams and Xena.
Super Power: Her moles often scab over.
From my understanding (this could be wrong), Stuie was Alyssa’s RA a while back. Alyssa and this other female named Shannon were Stuie’s favorite residents that year because they got down with most of the hall events, chilled real hard, and avoided flinging too much feces around the dorm. Strong friendships emerged through all that shit.
Last summer, I didn’t have transportation to Blissfest. Alyssa drove from Lansing to pick me up from Holland, and we drove to Bliss together. So we met. After that, we ended up driving a lot more places. And through all those campfiresmoke-lackofshower-tired-drivingontherumblestrips-ricepudding-BrettDennen-earlyearlymorning car rides, I got to know how smelly she can be and how chill she is.
At SVSU, Alyssa does some baking, some RA’ing, some writing columns for the Vanguard, some science-y stuff, and some rolling around on the ground and singing. She has an impressive range of knowledge. I noticed this when she correctly identified a vegetable that I have never seen before. (I don’t remember the name of the thing.) And, sometimes, when she experiences glare in her eyes, she looks like a mix between Robert DeNiro and Edward R.Murrow. And, sometimes, she has this look when she doesn’t experience glare in her eyes. Winner.
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